I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
