somebody snuck up and got me drunk
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
