Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
