I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
