I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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