Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
