Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
