i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
