Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
