I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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