i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
