I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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