kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
