have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
