god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
