Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Someone shattered a urinal.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
