You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
