I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
