if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
