we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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