if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
