Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
