his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
