I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
