He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
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