my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
