all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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