thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
