I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Just pee around me
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
