I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
my god I love twenty year old dicks
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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