i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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