I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
