The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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