Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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