If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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