I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize