I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
