you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
The power of my boobs compel you
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
