Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
