He uses pillows to masturbate.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Randomize
