she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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