We're facebook friends in real life
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
