I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
