you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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