Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
