Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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