Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
