If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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