Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
