It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
