oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
time to smoke my breakfast
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
