The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
